1. quality time
  2. physical touch
  3. acts of service
  4. words of affirmation
  5. receiving gifts

They're not mine. They're hers. Was it odd for me to ask her about them? Maybe hehe, but I think it's pretty plain to see that having a conscious concept about your intentions and your actions and your words when you're in any version of a relationship is a good thing. Girl (no, y'all don't get a name yet), if you ever read this and you get freaked out by the phrasing: "relationship" then I am sincerely sorry. I don't mean it that way I'm just being intentional with my thoughts towards you and that's something. Hell, it's a damn good something. Even if it doesn't pan out I'm sky high right now 😉.

Song kinda relevant today that is pretty open and honest but it's similar to how I'm feeling here. Sleep Alone (feat. Ella Boh):

I don't wanna sleep alone tonight
I don't wanna let you go
I know that it's not for real, quite yet
But we can see where it goes
I don't wanna sleep alone tonight
I don't wanna let you go
I know that it's not for real, quite yet
But we can see where it goes
Oh

Had a dream last night that I accidentally washed a bright red shirt with all my favorite clothes and they got ruined.

Another dream sometime this weekend where I went to the bathroom at a club and had to crawl up a flight of stairs where it got smaller and smaller such that only worth it if you really had to pee haha. Wtf does that even mean? It's fun to consider dreams but you definitely can't take them too seriously. Kind of like a convo I heard the other day about psychadelics.

I'm super grateful for my ability to block out everything and focus on one thing for a while. I think this came from reading books when I was a kid. The same way that I found out how to do micro bursts.

I'm not necessarily in the mood to put anything out in the world tonight. Got back home and was typing out on my keyboard but I wasn't feeling the normal hype I normally feel. I think it's because my self confidence is a little lower at the beginning of the week?

I should get some rest and crawl inside my conscience tonight with East of Eden.

There's always content here if I keep writing like this but no need to try and force out writing if I don't need to. Take it slow and let yourself rewrite and come back to things. That's the beauty of keeping this all in one place and dated.

At the gym after work and I was writing again in short bursts.

17 minutes in on the treadmill. Heart rate felt really good at the 1 mile mark. Came to gym at 9pm. Goal is to get home by 11 and do laundry.

Talking to my parentals last week about personal finance and millennials and laziness. There's definitely a piece/value of convenience that I think makes it so worth it. Hell, look at the necessary productivity of a company, say Equinox. Sure as shit we, personally as hoomans ain't a whole big fitness center but there's something efficient about letting a whole company take over a routine of your life such as laundry. Do they do all laundry in house here?

Hell, we're at the point where we too lazy to spin a damn brush on our teeth so we go electric but it ain't because we lazy. It's because that spin is constant and we are more efficient covering evenly.

Convenience is also a mess tho. There are certain aspects of your life that you let yourself ignore because you hit a routine that might hurt rather than help. Definitely such a thing as too convenient. I was at one point getting a yogurt, smoothie and coffee every morning. That ain't cheap and I let myself do it because I allowed myself to be unhealthy with other meals that I was trying to make up for it. 1 month in of some heavy fitness and I'm almost down to 180. Long way to go but I'm finally at 3-4 days a week at the gym. Let that sweat DRIP, son.

Work is weird. How do people break that cycle? I love my work but there's a piece of me that still needs personal productivity in parallel to work productivity. On me to get there tho. Podcast? Music? Reading? Something to expand my horizon beyond my work. It's nice though that it's pretty easy to push for that in comp sci adjacent fields tho.

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Thank y'all kindly for the read!